Monologue-ing Chris

到了後山 Brandon Hill 盪鞦韆的同時，看到以往常照面的松鼠們，又想到小巷說出令我咋舌的「英國人吃松鼠」奇聞，就找出相機來把牠們的逗趣身影拍了拍。遇到了個男子，身邊圍了一堆貪食的小鬼；突然覺得他是用核果在飼養小鬼、好大啖肥美嗎？跟他相視對笑的同時，他那眼神突然讓我覺得詭異了起來......（以下不是懸疑小說，可闔家閱讀，謝謝）

看到了嗎？樹底下的那隻生物！	像陣風飛奔去，連鴿子也看傻了。
像貓扒貓沙般扒土藏冬天食物。	餵食的男子，身邊越來越多松鼠。
酒足飯飽，下秒還回頭ㄘㄟ一下。

 
想起自己在瑞士被熱情馬先生請吃鴕鳥肉的時候，就已經晉升野蠻人層級了吧，不免心虛。哈！不過當馬太太極力推薦馬排且咀嚼津津的時候，身為馬生肖一員的我跟狗先生真心打死不從（會有壞運吧？吃自己生肖...我自顧自地迷信起來）。

第二回吃飯，馬先生又大推鹿肉的時候，想到聖誕老爺要坐牠們拉的橇才有禮物可拿，我跟狗先生又堅決搖頭，同時暗想：瑞士人怎麼跟廣東人一樣什麼都可以吃啊？！只是廣東人更駭人的生吮猴腦招數，霎時贏了對奇怪動物器官還是有畏懼的歐陸人！

第三次，我跟狗先生說，我只使用專門豢養給人類當作食物的動物！狗先生幽幽說：也許他們就是會養鹿、養馬專門來吃，養豬牛羊魚蝦已經不算什麼了。輸了。但是，為了不讓動物濫生而開始吃牠們的澳洲人和英國人，讓我更是倍感「ＯＲＺ－我解讀為－輸」。

以下這些是「天哪！小巷！妳說的都是真的！」實證區：

【它是真的】頓悟一：松鼠可以做家常燉肉，一人份食譜揭露如下。
Squirrel Stew：2 Cut up squirrels／¼ cup Chopped onion／3 tablespoon Margarine／½ cup Diced celery／1 teaspoon Salt／½ cup Sliced carrots／⅛ teaspoon Pepper／3 tablespoon Flour／3 cup Water／¼ cup Water

【它是真的】頓悟二：英國 Worcester 的 Hadley Bowling Green Inn 還推出過下圖這等 creative gourmet，也就是創意料理；不過被動物保育人士抗議就從菜單拿掉了。湯匙部份讓我想到在蘇黎士吃到的 beef steak in Tartar style（這夢靨，請容我來日專文哭訴）！

【它是真的】頓悟三：英國野生動物論壇的為了響應「國會議員伊格伍德勛爵所表示之＝為了維護生態平衡，必須減少灰松鼠的數量＝言論，建議英國著名大廚傑米‧奧利佛為孩子們設計灰松鼠肉菜單，並表示他本人願意與農業大臣一起享受灰松鼠大餐」，辦了個灰松鼠食譜競賽，最高票得主建議「Squirrel with chocolate sauce」，也就是灰松鼠要配巧克力醬吃才好吃。

最有趣的是，以前澳洲因為兔子氾濫也吃起兔子來，卻有一個財經專家因為虐待兔子被告上法院。這，是暗喻贊成安樂死嗎？不讓兔子痛不欲生，讓他一路直下人類胃脾，兔安人樂嗎？

再回到我的後山 Brandon Hill 盪鞦韆之行，希望男子豢養松鼠後可以大啖肥美這想像，都是我在天馬行空。因為說不定像 VOOSH OIL 筆記本那種仗義執言的松鼠會站出來跟你搖食指說：「請愛用松鼠口味的戒松鼠嚼片」。

或根本你就會遇到動物保護協會的義工超人假扮松鼠，在要大口吃松鼠時，被狠狠打落一口牙。

註：找到一篇新聞說到英人大力呼籲保育本土紅松鼠（灰色吃完吃到紅色去了嗎？），平衡一下報導。

Plea to help save red squirrels

Conservationists fear Scotland's red squirrels will be wiped out More money is needed to protect Scotland's endangered red squirrel population, an MSP has said. Deputy Scottish Conservative leader Murdo Fraser has called on the Scottish Government to provide funding for more wildlife control officers. His comments coincided with the launch of a new survey of the species. A Scottish Government spokeswoman said the environment minister was planning to meet relevant groups as soon as possible to discuss the issues. As part of the national survey, conservationists want the public to report sightings of red squirrels, to help monitor population levels. Conservationists fear Scotland's 121,000 red squirrels, which account for 75% of the UK's red squirrel population, could die out within 50 years. The native animal's numbers have dropped dramatically as their woodland habitats have been lost. Under pressure They have also come under pressure from grey squirrels, which were brought to the UK from America in the late 1800s. Grey squirrels out-compete the reds for food, and also carry and spread the deadly squirrel pox virus. The first case of the disease in a red squirrel in Scotland was recorded in May this year. Red squirrels are struggling and while we may be able to slow their decline, their future is in jeopardy Stuart Brooks SWT's head of conservation Mr Fraser, MSP for Mid Scotland and Central Fife, said there needed to be "real commitment" from the Scottish government to protect the red squirrel. He said: "Scotland is the principal stronghold of the red squirrel on mainland UK and we must do everything possible to protect it. "The SNP Government must put in place funding to allow for more control officers and stop the spread of the grey squirrels and the squirrel pox virus. "I believe that we need strong measures to stop the grey squirrels further encroaching on the reds' territory in Perthshire and Angus." He added: "I will continue to campaign for the red squirrel until we see real commitment and real action taken to stop the spread of the grey squirrel." Squirrel pox The Scottish Wildlife Trust (SWT) is to carry out a nationwide survey of the red squirrel population to coincide with National Red Squirrel Week, which starts on 30 September. SWT's head of conservation, Stuart Brooks, said the native species was in serious danger of being wiped out from their Scottish "stronghold". Native reds are coming under pressure from greys, right He said: "Red squirrels are struggling and while we may be able to slow their decline, their future is in jeopardy in Britain particularly in light of the deadly virus which has now penetrated the reds in Scotland. "Scotland remains a stronghold for reds and offers the best possibilities of seeing these charismatic creatures in the wild and at SWT's Loch of the Lowes Reserve in Perthshire visitors regularly see squirrels at the feeders right in front of the viewing window." Mel Tonkin, Scottish Squirrel Survey co-ordinator said: "Red squirrels are an important part of Scotland's woodlands and whilst we know what is causing their decline, we need better information about where the squirrel 'hotspots' are in order to protect them." The government spokeswoman said Scottish Natural Heritage's action plan contained practical measures to prevent grey squirrel encroachment into red squirrel habitat. She said this included the trapping of grey squirrels in key areas and the conservation and management of stronghold areas where red squirrels could continue to flourish. The squirrel pox virus can kill a red squirrel within 15 days of infection. The disease has been found in 53 grey squirrels in Dumfries and Galloway, and about 27 in the Borders region.